Lies, Lies, Lies...

When it comes to gay Internet profiles, some guys are upfront and honest -- and others lie. And the Internet makes it so much easier to hide the truth when meeting someone. In some ways, lying in some degree has even become expected when chatting, hooking up or otherwise connecting online.

What we lie about is often an indication of what we are insecure about, and where we harbor shame. With this in mind, let's take a look at what guys most often lie about on their profiles:

Cock size
Lying about cock size has almost become an expected and assumed aspect of gay cyber culture. Most guys will round up to the next inch, stretch the measuring tape in creative ways, or simply add a couple of inches "for good measure." This is so common that guys will sometimes ask the question, "Is that seven real inches or seven Internet inches?"

There's the guy who figures that once he meets up with the guy, maybe he won't really notice anyway. Then there's the guy who usually doesn't hook up, so he figures it doesn't really matter anyway -- so why not attract as many guys as possible? Either way, lying about something so quickly provable definitely highlights our super-sized cultural obsession with penis size and one of our deepest-held insecurities as men.

HIV status
While it is difficult to know how often this occurs, guys do lie about their HIV status online. Of course this can be a difficult thing to share with the cyber-public at large. Like coming out as gay, coming to terms and accepting one's status as HIV positive is a process -- often starting with a level of denial and moving towards acceptance. Stigma, anxiety, and shame still swirl around the issue of HIV and many guys who are positive still have to overcome all of these issues to be able to comfortably identify as positive to others.

Some guys choose to lie because they feel that, "If I'm safe anyway, why should I expose myself?" Others think, "I will tell only the guys I end up actually meeting and hooking up with." This is a tough issue, but lying about status may not only harm potential partners, but ultimately hurts the guy who is lying. It also hurts all of us -- reinforcing and perpetuating destructive shame and stigma.

Under 40 only
Many guys lie about their age. Older guys will often slice off several years or even decades. Some guys figure, "As long as I can pull off a younger age, I might as well give myself every advantage I can get." Others think that if they were to ever meet a guy and get serious, they could always reveal the truth later.

In order to attract guys and prevent automatic dismissal, a hot 50-year-old with a hot pic may choose to say he's 45, so that guys will at least give his profile a chance. Of course, there is the general assumption out there that most guys prefer younger guys, which of course is not always true. This definitely speaks to our sexualization of youth, and the insecurity and lack of esteem experienced by older gay men.

No fats
Guys lie about their weight. As with age, if guys can get away with slicing off 10 pounds or more, they figure, "Why not? I can always be truthful later if I need to be, but in terms of attracting guys to chat or to initiate an initial interest, I will pretend I am thinner or lighter than I am."

In a body-obsessed gay world, body image issues and insecurities are widespread. We should all be grateful for the bear subculture and those bears who wear their weight with pride and self-esteem, and remind us that there is more to a man than a six-pack.

Fair representation?
When it comes to Internet pictures, you may be looking at the real deal or something way off the mark. There is the guy who will post an old pic from maybe 10 or so years back. There's the guy who will post a pic from when he was a gym rat -- though his gym membership has long since expired. Then there's the bold fella who will post a picture of someone else and pretend to be him. Of course, most guys try to post their best pic, but there can be quite a bit of deception in this area.

There are million reasons for stretching the truth -- but when it's all said and done, the more we reveal our true selves to others in life, the healthier we become. Now, the real problems begin when there is an actual face-to-face meeting in person ... hmmm?

Dr. Omar Minwalla is a licensed clinical psychologist whose private practice specializes in adolescent sexual-gender identity development, transgender dynamics, fetishes and BDSM. He conducts sexual health seminars for men who have sex with men.