Swaying To The Music: The Forgotten Art Of Slow Dancing

Why do Baptists never make love standing up? Because it will lead to dancing. Silly joke, but as someone who grew up Southern Baptist, it’s funny because it really does seem that Baptists fear dancing more than sex sometimes. With America’s puritanical heritage, dancing has often fallen right in line with sex, drugs, and rock and roll. So when I became comfortable with my gay sexuality, I also discovered the goodness of dancing. What a wonderful release and celebration of my authenticity — the blissful and free movement of my body in whatever way it struck me in the moment!

Yet, even in the club community, dancing can fall within a very specific style. The high energy, tranc-ee, rav-ee, genre can be so fast and so relentless (boom-chick, boom-chick, boom-chick...) that moving ones body is rather limited to an all-out cardio workout. Nothing is wrong with this. I quite like it myself. But this particular kind of music is so popular, (and our puritanical roots run so deep), that I have noticed a lot of us forget another kind of dancing that can do wonders for their sex life.

Here is another handy tool to add to your sexual tool-belt — Slow, Dirty Dancing, and I’m not talking about the kind that Patrick Swayze performed in that movie (though I am not above having fantasies about Patrick Swayze). I often give slow dancing as homework to clients who are wanting to rekindle the sexual flames in their relationship, and I offer it to you as well. It’s simple, really (and completely risk-free of STIs).

The next time you and a partner are heading for sex, but before you get in bed and before you take your clothes off, put on some of your favorite sexy music. Nothing too fast or slow, the kind of music to which you can pivot your hips. Some people call this Lounge Music, while others just simply call it music to fuck by. Ultimately, the style of music can be pretty subjective, but if you are at a loss, try Marvin Gaye, Bill Withers, Al Green, Stevie Wonder, or Earth, Wind, and Fire as a start. However, never use Olivia Newton-John’s song, Let’s Get Physical. Trust me on this one.

Once the music is going, take your partner by the hand and bring him close to you — a chest to chest embrace. Start swaying gradually to the rhythm. You don’t have to be in precise time with the music. Just slowly move your body weight from one foot to the other. Notice how your partner is moving. Get in sync with him and him with you. Maybe begin to gradually rotate in a circle with your eye contact at the center. Whisper in his ear, “May I remove your shirt?” With his permission, slowly, seductively take his shirt off (like you are doing a strip tease, but using his body), and then let him do the same to you.

Take your time — one item of clothing after another. See how long you can drag out dragging those pants and underwear over your growing bulges, until you are moving your naked bodies in rhythm with each other. Use your hands and lips to feel his skin. Lightly run your fingers over his back. Firmly cup his cheeks within the strong palms of your hands. Use your whole body to express your arousal. At times, move your hips in rhythm together so when he thrusts, you pull back and vis versa. At other times, move your hips from left to right, opposite to his hips moving right to left so that your hard cocks slap across each other like clanging swords — touche! Drop to your knees and let him dance his rod inside your mouth and then you undulate yours in his.

It does not matter whether your are a “good” dancer or not. What matters is that you are present with each other’s passion and you let it flow freely between you. I’ve had clients slow dance well after the music went silent. I have had clients report they spent hours doing their homework and never even got around to cumming. I’ve sent single persons home with the homework to lovingly dance with themselves in the mirror and beautiful, sexy results were produced. I, myself can report many hours of my own private “field research” spent doing nothing else but swaying to the music with a lover. You can use the slow dance of passion to build up your arousal and extend your foreplay, and you haven’t even gotten into bed yet!